Monday, December 19, 2016

Bittersweet

{Encore}



'Tis the season to be jolly.
But I have a secret:
 At Christmastime I cry.
A lot.

Not big sobbing boo-hoos,
but the eyes brimming,
heart-squeezing, silent
tears that slide from the
corners of my eyes when
I am moved.

What, you ask, could cause
crying at Christmastime?

It's little things, and
big things, old things and
new things.




Singing those timeless carols
for the first time each year,
 my voice joining others as
the tunes float above us
to the rafters. A tear.

Unwrapping ornaments that hold
such dear memories of a time, 
a place or a person. 
Another tear.

Have Yourself a Merry 
Little Christmas always brings
a tear, especially:

Through the years we all will
be together, if the fates
allow.

Because of course, at some
point, they don't allow.




I miss toasting Christmas
with my Gigi, who adored
this festive season, as well
as many other beautiful souls
who used to savor it with us.

Naturally, that's life. It's
like a train that you share
with other passengers for part
of your trip; eventually they
get off and others hop on.

The others make me smile. New
companions on this life train,
bringing joy to our journey.




But I am always a bit wistful
when I remember the love,
stories and camaraderie I
enjoyed with those who have
already left the train.

Our minister says we feel
things more keenly at
Christmastime....the joys
are deeper, as are the
sorrows. 

Treat yourself gently.

A dear friend once told me
that when she felt holiday 
sadness creep in, she'd 
cope by taking a deep breath
and counting her blessings.




And so this is what I do, too,
and I find that the taste of
sadness gives way to 
sweetness.

I think about my warm, snug
home, people under its roof who
love me, laughter and smiles
from holidays past....and 
those yet to come.

The train continues on its
journey.  Someday it will be
my turn to disembark and make
room for others, but until
then I am determined to enjoy
the view that is this
Christmas, right here,
right now.




Thank you from the bottom 
of my heart for sharing
the ride.



xo
Suzanne



{All pics mine, except
for the snow angel, taken
by my sister-in-law.} 







10 comments:

AmyH said...

The Peanuts Gang singing Christmas Time...gets me. It makes me happy and sad at the same time.
I appreciate your writings.
Christmas Time is here.....sniff.

Linda @ Itsy Bits And Pieces said...

Aww...Suzanne. I so understand this. My mom and I were just talking about Christmas without my dad...and I told her that I decorated knowing how much he would love it. She went out and bought a little tree this year...for him...and it made her happy then, too.
"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" tugs at my heartstrings, too...and we become so much more aware of these things as we travel through life.
You have taught me much about gratitude, and living each day, my friend...a very Merry Christmas to you and your family! xoxo

Blondie's Journal said...

Your posts always move me, Suzanne. I think we are so much alike and in this case. long lost twins! My feelings are heightened at Christmas...memories going so, so far back and then some just a few years back. I, too, get tears in my eyes remembering the people I have lost and that my time on this precious earth is more than half over. I enjoy the celebrations and that coziness under my roof, the faces of my excited kids, no matter how much they have grown. That train...it looms. But for now we need to really enjoy what we have.

Love to you and Merry Christmas.

Jane x

Hindustanka said...

Hi Suzanne.. so beautifully said, and so true. I wish that New year and Christmas bring more peace to our planet, as the latest events have been really heartbreaking and sorrow for each and everyone who can feel the pain of other people.

Have a Marry Christmas and a Happy new year!

serena said...

What a lovely post! It reflects so well what goes on in my own heart. Thank you!

Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year,

Serena

serena said...

What a lovely post! It reflects so well what goes on in my own heart. Thank you!

Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year,

Serena

Dawn Y. said...

Just beautiful, as always, Suzanne! We are truly kindred spirits. I share the same feelings each year when I unwrap all of the ornaments for our Christmas tree. Collected over the past 40 years, these ornaments have become a scrapbook of my life ~ gifts from loved ones, many handmade by family and friends, souvenirs of places I have traveled, and memories of special days. Each ornament takes me back instantly to those moments in life. As I lovingly wrap each ornament to pack away, I always wonder and worry how life will be different by next Christmas...

May your Christmas be seasoned with love and your New Year be filled with so many blessings, dear Suzanne! ♡Dawn@Petals.Paper.SimpleThymes

Mary Boyum said...

Beautiful Suzanne. Well, yesterday I teared up 5 or 6 times so you are in good company, my sweet friend. An ornament, a scent, a snowfall, a song...all bring back memories of moments before...and how wonderful to live them again. Blessed, lingering memories...the life that remains. Xo

Low Tide High Style said...

What a wonderfully poignant post Suzanne, and so very timely for me. I just finished watching Love Actually and it always makes me cry this time of year. It reminds me of a dear friend I lost, and the movie's theme of love just adds to the emotion I feel when I watch it! My grandmother and great aunts always seemed a little down this time of year and I never really understood their sadness until I too began to lose those I love. But like you, I try to focus on the joy and love while accepting that the holidays will always be a bit bittersweet. Wishing you and your family a Very Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year! xo Kat

Jeanie said...

What IS it about "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"? I can't even listen to the Muppets sing it without starting to choke up -- and if it's a bad day, the tears flow big time. And "White Christmas" -- the movie. I cry at exactly the same moment -- when the General walks into the dining room and everyone stands at attention. Or the musical "Scrooge" when Albert Finney realized it's still Christmas and runs around all joyful. And don't even start me on "Love Actually," because I cry multiple times during that one!

It is harder when we see people we love leave the world and the holidays come by, loaded with sweet memories but the sadness of loss. So many little things can bring about a grief burst -- a song, an ornament -- all that you mentioned. But yes, turning the sadness to sweetness -- not always easy -- helps make those holidays easier and maybe even among the kindest, loveliest, most gentle. Yes, being gentle with ourselves. Oh, how beautifully you say it.

I wish you warmth and love and joy and yes, merriment and memories, too. A box of Kleenex at hand and the touch of human kindness. Merriest and Happy New Year, too.